Interviewing relatives to capture family stories

Why spoken memories are worth capturing

Certificates, census returns and parish registers will tell you that your great-grandmother was born in a Staffordshire pit village in 1901 and married a collier in 1923. They will not tell you that she kept a jug of water on the windowsill for the pit ponies, or that her mother's word for being cold was "nesh". Those details live only in the memories of the people around you, and once they are gone, they are gone.

Relatives are also the only source for whole categories of family history: the rows nobody wrote down, the child who died young and was never mentioned, the cousin who emigrated and was never spoken of again, the dialect words and sayings that shaped how your family spoke. Oral history is not a lesser record than a document. It is a different one. It carries feeling, tone and texture — the way your grandad's voice changes when he says his father's name, for instance, which can tell you more than a paragraph of dates.

Treat spoken memories as leads rather than verdicts. Memory blurs dates, mixes up which aunt did what, and tidies painful things into shapes that are easier to carry. That is not a reason to skip the interview. It is a reason to write down what you hear and check the verifiable parts against written records later, while keeping the story itself intact.

Preparing before you press record

Do a little homework first. Look over what you already know — names, dates, addresses, occupations — so you can ask informed questions rather than starting from nothing. Bring old photographs, a family tree, a map of the old neighbourhood, and any objects that might jog a memory: a watch, a ration book, a school photograph with the names written on the back.

• Ask permission properly. Explain who will hear the recording, and check whether anything is off limits. Some families have secrets, and a relative may still be protecting someone.
• Pick your moment. Late morning is often good, after breakfast and before tiredness sets in. Avoid the hour after a big meal.
• Keep sessions short. Forty-five to sixty minutes, with a cup of tea in the middle, will usually yield more than a three-hour marathon. Plan to return several times.
• Choose a quiet room. Turn off the television, shut the door, and listen for humming boilers, ticking clocks or fridge noise.

Questions that open doors

Open questions work far better than questions that can be answered with yes or no. Start with the senses and the everyday, because that is the material written records never capture.

• Where were you born, and what do you remember about the house — the smell of it, the sounds, who slept where?
• What did your mother cook on a Sunday, and what did you eat on a bad week?
• What was your first job, what did you earn, and what did you spend it on?
• Who was the character in the family — the one everyone told stories about?
• What did your parents argue about, and what did they laugh at?
• Which teacher frightened you, and which one was kind?
• What happened on the day you remember best from childhood?

Then follow up with "What happened next?" and "How did that feel at the time?" These two questions do more work than any carefully drafted list.

Recording it properly

A smartphone recorder is perfectly good, but put it in airplane mode to avoid interruptions, and place it on a cloth or a stand to cut out table thumps. If you have a separate digital voice recorder, even better — use both, so a failure in one device does not lose the interview.

Before you start, record a short announcement: the date, your name, the name of the person speaking, and where you are sitting. Then test the level by playing back a minute of conversation. Keep the microphone between you rather than pointed at your relative's face, which can feel like an interrogation.

Ask them to spell unusual surnames, place names and nicknames as you go, and write those down. If someone is uneasy about being recorded, put the machine away and take notes instead — a pencil and a notebook are still a legitimate interview method, and a relaxed talk beats a stilted recording every time.

Listening well

The hardest skill in interviewing family is keeping quiet. Count to five before filling a silence; the pause is often where the best material surfaces. Resist correcting dates or facts while the recorder is running — note the discrepancy and check it later, because interrupting breaks the thread of a story.

Write down dialect words and phrases exactly as they sound, and ask what they mean. Terms such as "playing out", "courting", "on the parish" or a local word for a alleyway may be unfamiliar to your grandchildren, and a short glossary attached to the recording is a gift in itself.

Watch for tiredness and distress. Some memories are painful, particularly bereavements, wartime separations or family estrangements. If your relative falters, offer to stop and pick it up another day. Never push for a story that is clearly costing something to tell.

After the conversation: making it last

Label your files the same day, while you still remember: date, names of everyone present, and the main subjects covered. Back the recording up in at least three places, including one away from your house.

• Write a one-page summary of names, dates, places and stories mentioned, so the recording is searchable.
• Send a copy to your relative and invite corrections. It is courteous, and it often prompts further memories.
• Transcribe selectively — the best twenty minutes, not everything. Verbatim transcripts are valuable; summaries are more likely to be finished.
• Note the setting in your family history notes: "Recorded in her kitchen, 14 March, over tea." Context is part of the evidence.
• Ask whether a copy can go to your local record office or family history society, many of which run oral history collections.

Then go back for more. Memories surface in the days after a conversation, and a second visit often yields the best material of all — including the story your relative had decided, on reflection, that you were old enough to hear.